Monday, 24 May 2010

• And The Green Weenie Award* goes to...

  ...(drum roll) ...The Earth! That's right. Our doofus earth has just ruined all of our environmental sensitivities (for it's sake mind you!) by exploding volcanos all over the damn place. Doesn't Mother Earth know all were trying to do to right the upset equilibrium of the planet? Crap. Now we probably have to put up with Gasahol for another 500 years.

  
  

  

  
  

  A plume of ash rises from a volcano erupting under the Eyjafjallajokull glacier, Hvolsvollur, Iceland. Photo: BARCROFT MEDIA
  
  

  
  

  Consider this:

  
  

  An email making the rounds:

  
  

  For all of you out there across the globe who have fought so hard to tackle the hideous enemy of our planet, namely carbon emissions, that bogus god you worship named "Climate Change" or "Global Warming", there is some really bad news that will be very painful for you to process.
  
  The current volcanic eruption going on in Iceland, since it first started spewing volcanic ash, has, to this point, NEGATED EVERY SINGLE EFFORT you have made in the past five years to control CO2 emissions on our planet. Not only that, this single act of God has added emissions to the earth estimated to be 42 times more than can be corrected by the extreme human regulations proposed for annual reductions.
  
  It's very disheartening to realize that all of the carbon emission savings you have accomplished while suffering the inconvenience and expense of driving Prius hybrids, buying fabric grocery bags, sitting up til midnight to finish your kid's "The Green Revolution" science project, throwing out all of your non-green cleaning supplies, using only two squares of toilet paper, putting a brick in your toilet tank reservoir, selling your Landcruiser and speedboat, going on vacation to a city park instead of overseas, nearly getting hit every day on your bicycle, replacing all of your $1 light bulbs with $10 light bulbs ...well, all of those things you have done have all gone down the tubes in just the past week. The volcanic ash emitted into the Earth's atmosphere in the past weeks has totally erased every single effort you have made to reduce the evil beast carbon. And, those thousands of jobs you helped move to Asia with expensive emissions demands on businesses...you know, the ones that are creating even more emissions than when they were creating our jobs, well that must seem really worthwhile now. And I do wish that there was some kind of silver lining to this volcanic ash cloud but the fact of the matter is that the bush fire season across the western U.S.A. will start in about 2 months and those fires will negate your efforts to reduce carbon emissions in our world for the next 2 years.
  
  So, grab a beer, give the world a hug, and have nice day!

  
  

  
  EDIT: By way of explanation...

  
  

  
  *Back in the seventies and eighties, an obscure Christian satire magazine, The Wittenburg Door, awarded what it called "The Green Weenie" to some unsuspecting Christian (or not) whose public religious buffonery warranted special attention. I used to love that mag. Though I didn't always agree theologically or philosophically, one had to respect a publication that regarded cancelled subscriptions as a badge of honor. Everyone loved the "The Door" (or at least the 30 or 40 "cool" christians that read it) until it was your nose they were tweaking. And then the usual cancelled sub would come rolling in. Heh.

  
  

  I'm appropriating the Green Weenie this time for a non Christian purpose. Obviously it's NOT the Earth that deserves an award but the Nitwits who subject Earth and Human to a sky is falling mentality. I hope the editors of The Door don't mind. If they do, let them give me one. (wink)

  
  

  Besides, what enviro-mentalist wouldn't want a "green" award?

  
  

   

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